How do i get over divorcing the love of my life?

I am so sorry, that sounds so hard. How long have you been married to him? If I were you, I would expect my husband to be with me. Period. The whole point of marriage is to be together! He seems like a guy who is using you for a backup when he needs you. Do you want to be there when that happens? What about when you need him (like now)? Is he there? Give yourself a break and do what is right. He should respect your needs, and if not, ditch him.